Deborah Mitchell Counselling

Anger is a powerful and often misunderstood human emotion. It’s a natural response to feeling threatened, wronged, or frustrated. While it can be a destructive force, it can also be a healthy and motivating one when managed correctly (healthy anger).

Anger is an important emotion; it has an evolutionary purpose. It’s part of our fight-or-flight response, designed to help us respond to threats. When we feel angry, our bodies release hormones like adrenaline, our heart rate increases, and our muscles tense up, preparing us to confront a challenge.

Psychologically, anger often serves as a secondary emotion. This means it can mask deeper, more vulnerable feelings like hurt, sadness, shame, or fear. For example, a person who feels abandoned might express their pain as anger. Understanding this is a key step in managing it.

The difference between healthy and unhealthy anger lies in how it’s expressed.

Healthy anger is about recognizing your feelings and expressing them assertively and constructively. It involves setting boundaries, communicating your needs clearly, and seeking solutions to problems without resorting to aggression. For example, telling a friend calmly, “I feel disrespected when you interrupt me,” is a healthy expression of anger.

Unhealthy Anger is when anger leads to destructive behaviours. It can manifest as aggression, verbal or physical abuse, passive aggression (like giving the silent treatment), or holding a grudge. This type of anger often harms relationships, mental health, and physical wellbeing.

Managing Anger

Anger management is a process of learning to control and express anger in a healthy and constructive way. While anger is a normal human emotion, when it becomes overwhelming or leads to destructive behaviour, it can cause problems in your life and relationships.

Managing anger isn’t about suppressing it; it’s about channelling it in a productive way. Techniques like deep breathing, mindfulness, and cognitive restructuring (changing negative thought patterns) can help. Recognizing your personal triggers and learning to communicate your feelings effectively are also essential skills for living with anger in a healthy way.

How I help clients who experience problematic Anger

I help clients to understand what anger is (healthy/unhealthy) and why we need it. I encourage clients to explore the cause/trigger of their anger. Anger often masks other feelings, feelings of frustration, hurt, shame, anxiety or loss. Understanding the root cause of your anger is the first step. I also teach clients practical was to manage anger and how to express anger in a safe way.

If this sounds familiar to your experience of Anger and you would like to access support, I’m here to help. Please contact me……